Balancing the roles of sex, intimacy and faith in love relationships can be challenging. The ratings you provide are meant to help you better understand the complex dynamics of your current situation. Is it time to take action on an issue or make a decision? I hope this information will benefit you and your relationship!
Note: click HERE to download a copy of this worksheet.
First, remind yourself of your relationship context. The issues of sex and intimacy can feel different depending on your current relationship status, your gender and your age:
Married ___ Committed partnership ___ Years together in current union ___
This is my 1st ___ 2nd ___ 3rd ___ intimate adult relationship
Male ___ Female ___
Your Age: 20 to 29 ___ 30 to 39 ___ 40 to 49 ___ 50 to 59 ___ 60 to 69 ___ 70+ ___
Next, answer the following questions thoughtfully and honestly:
RATING SCALE: 1 = No, never, not at all 3 = Maybe, either/or, not sure 5 = Yes, often, the max
___ Do you believe in a lifelong commitment, for better or worse?
___ Is sexual desire in your marriage unequal?
___ Are you the partner who wants more sexual intimacy?
___ Are you the partner who is satisfied with the way things are?
___ Do you struggle to discuss sex with your spouse?
___ Do you believe it is sinful or taboo to discuss sex with your partner?
___ Do you wish the matter would just go away without feeling blame or guilt?
___ Do you believe that a marriage can be both erotic and true to your faith?
___ If you could confess without anyone knowing the truth, would you be just as happy if you never had to have sex again?
What would you say is the right amount of sexual intimacy for your relationship?
___3x a week ___ 1x a week ___ 2x a month ___4-5x a year ___ Seldom
How would your partner answer this question?
Now, look at the questions you rated 1 or 5 (or perhaps 2 or 4). Do you see a pattern? Are you more aware or feeling strongly about something? Process that information. Use it to communicate. What can you say or do that will benefit both your partner and yourself? Also, try asking your partner to answer these same questions!